Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
