I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
