He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
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Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
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How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me