Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there