Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.