O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
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U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"