I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We don't watch enough power rangers
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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