i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
