I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
