The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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