It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
