I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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