Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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