and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
