i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
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He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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