just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
