took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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