are you still at the devil's house?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
