he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
