I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
