lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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