508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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