I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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