I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
