Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
