My liver just broke up with me...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
