we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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