Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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