Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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