you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
