I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
