College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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