She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
