Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
