Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
