I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
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