Im at strip club and am horny
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
