Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
