When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
