I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
