They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
