Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
