omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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