it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
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Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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