cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
