According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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