remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
