fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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