i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
