Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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