I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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