I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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