Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
