she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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