She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
