Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
