sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
