when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
