Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
