Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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