All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize