for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You made out with two different species that night
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
