So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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