pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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