Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
