Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
