I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
high people should be assigned attendants
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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