47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
