Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
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the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
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I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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