I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
