and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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